Strength in Weakness- My Lupus Story

David Paul Tripp in the devotional New Morning Mercies writes, “Don’t fear your weaknesses– God supplies all the strength you need. Be afraid of those moments when you think you’re independently strong.” 

There have been times in my life where I was full of inspiration and ready to encourage the whole world with the hope and joy inside of me. There have also been times where I feel as if I don’t have the right to pour out, because I am in such desperate need.

For over a year, I haven’t written on this blog. Partly because I was teaching and coaching full time. Partly because I didn’t think I had the words while I was going through one of the biggest battles I've ever faced. 

But as I sit here today, I have learned that sometimes the most encouraging words to hear are from someone who knows they are in dire need of Jesus, not from someone who looks like they have their ducks in a row.

I was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease called Lupus a year ago. One of the biggest lessons I have taken away from this earthly suffering is the remembrance of my dependence on God and my inability to control.

I had just finished up a crazy semester– full of way too many credit hours and a lot of “lasts.” My last practice, last tournament, last game. My last sleepover with my college roommate. My last away trip bus ride and room assignment. My last round of rehab in my college facilities on all my “grandma” injuries. My last time lacing up those ankle braces and putting on my #16 jersey. My last family trip as a "Dilfer" daughter. My last time cheering on my fiancé (which ended up being at a New Year’s Six bowl game... no big deal). My last collegiate win and my last collegiate loss. 

I flew from Lake Tahoe to Arizona for the Fiesta Bowl. From Arizona to Lynchburg to pack up what's left of my college career (some hardware that is going to sit in a box & a volleyball poster of me that is the size of my bed). After shedding some tears from missing our intended flight, Zak and I then flew together to Fort Myers, Florida for our wedding. Praise God, we made it safely and on time. 

We made it. Graduated college. Successfully completed 4 years of our sports. Planned a wedding, took 18 credit hours of my masters, and somehow made it through my last season without shoulder surgery. We made it to the wedding weekend. Spent precious time with our bridesmaids and groomsmen and then celebrated with close friends and family. We made it to the day we had looked forward to for almost 4 years. After some hard long distance FaceTime calls in our dorm rooms (sorry Kam & Charlie), and then a lot of doing life together at Liberty-- we finally made it. 

In the world’s eyes, this would have been the time to write about and share. I was fit and faked tanned. Experienced a picturesque destination wedding and gorgeous honeymoon. Married the man of my dreams, and finally getting to start a life together. However, we didn’t realize “in sickness and in health” was going to apply to our marriage so quickly.  

A couple of weeks after our wedding, I started to feel sick. Just a little sore throat, nothing crazy. I thought it must be the weather or stress, but day by day another symptom would arise. Chest pain. Fever. Chills. Body Aches. Shortness of breath. Sharp pains. 

Things took a turn for the worst. I was having to sleep upright because my chest pain was so bad, and I was waking up drenched in sweat multiple times a night. I couldn't even laugh because I would get such sharp pain in my chest and ribs. My joints started to swell and ache. I got rashes and severe fatigue. After many rounds of blood tests, CT scans, and doctor visits, I was told I have Lupus. 

The two weeks that I was supposed to enjoy being a newlywed and writing thank you cards for wedding gifts, quickly became all about learning how to navigate a disease where I couldn't even get out of bed on my own to get water in the middle of the night. 

I have been on different medicines, diets, and supplements– trying to figure out the right plan for my health. I ate nothing but bone broth and stew for a week. Took 40 supplements a day for two weeks while eating really clean. I also weaned off a steroid for 8 months, which suppressed my immune system so I got every sickness going around at school. I was working full time as a coach and teacher and honestly had never felt that exhausted in my life. I fell asleep during my off block with my head up against a desk multiple times. My joints will randomly swell up and I can’t take my wedding ring off. I haven't been able to work out hard, which is all I've ever known. My emotions have also been a rollercoaster, and I sometimes do not feel like myself. 

However, this isn't a pity party. This is a “man i’m weak, but praise God that He is my strength kinda party.”

Even though I don't know if I will ever feel "normal" again. Even if I can't ever work full time. Even if I can't workout or eat like I want to. Even if I don't know what this is going to do to my fertility and my future. I can choose to trust God and rely on His strength during this battle. 

How I have been (trying) to do this recently: 

• Daily surrender. I am not in control. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

• Being grateful for the blessings God has given me. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

• Trying to be content no matter the circumstance by asking God for His strength. Philippians 4:12-13 “…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

  
  

God called Zak and I to lead the charge for Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) in the South Baldwin County of Alabama. So we packed up our stuff once again and relied fully on God to provide and pave the path. I am actually in the middle of a flare up right now as I write this, but I pray that my story and these words will help encourage someone to not fear their weaknesses, but instead lean on God to supply you with all the strength you need. 

Give ‘Em Heaven, Delaney Burnett :)